Broken, damaged, and hurt
I can’t stand to sit in my own bed. I can’t stand to walk a foot into my own room. It smells like her. Everything reminds me of her. Her food bowls sit on the carpet in our Front room. Her food is still there. Everything seems so untouched. Like she’s not really gone. It hearts my heart knowing…
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you so very much it hurts. I’m going to come home and you’re not going to bounce and meet me at the door. You’re not going to sit and wait for me. You’re not going to be there because you’ve already gone home. I miss you so much. You were my bestfriend and baby girl. I hope you’re living it up in heaven. I’m not going to Say ‘Dog Heaven’ because I don’t believe god would divide us up. So I will see you again little buddy of mine. Fly high baby #RIPLilo
I haven’t talked to him in months but it still stings. It still hurts just knowing that he’s gone.
I remember the first day I met him. He was cute and funny. He was really short though. He had red hair with pointy ish ears. Most importantly I remember that cute little smile to go with that great big laugh. He was perfect. He was gorgeous to me; but he was older & also a family friend.
I remember my parents telling me he had troubles with the ladies. Which shocked me. How could someone so handsome have lady problems?
I remember the day I had officially determined that he was going to be my soul mate. I thought that as soon as I turned 18 I would tell him that I had always liked him. Then he would tell me he liked me and that would be the start of our relationship.
I remember going onto a internet dating website and seeing his picture. Was it fate? It had to have been! Maybe what my parents had told me was true. That He did have problems with girls. I didn’t message him because I didn’t want him to tell my parents so I just moved along like I didn’t see him.
Most importantly I remember walking inside my house after school. I could feel the air becoming thick. My step dad lay on the couch. When he saw me he was normal just on his ipad. I sat next to him putting my bag down.
“Did you stay home all day?” I asked him.
“Yea..” he replied.
“- but the craziest thing happened. You’ll never guess. ” he said still focusing on the ipad. I didn’t think much of his statement right now.
“Leprechaun got into a car crash this morning. Your uncle Jay called me. I’ve never heard him cry before.” I was speech less at this point.
“He didn’t die did he?” I asked with hope. He nodded his head.
“What happened?” I asked
” he had a seizure while driving & lost control of the car. ” my step dad became quiet…. I became quiet. I couldn’t believe nor did I want to.
I will remember today.
Would he have died if he left later? Would he still have died if he left sooner? What if someone called him? What if he didn’t leave the house at all? What if he slept in? What if he didn’t have a seizure while driving? What if he walked? What if someone was there for him? Would he still have died if today wasnt today?
repthatmgk asked: I just can't help but be broken D: , finished Allegiant about 2or3 days ago. I really want to dive into TFIOS but I feel like my heart isnt ready to be broken again. So much pain. So much pain. :(
NO, DONT DO THAT! Take a break from reading before reading TFIOS.dont read something heavy… Try to mend yourself a little bit before TFIOS. That’s my two cents.